I'm losing my mother. Little bit by little bit, call by call. I guess I've suspected this
for a little while, but today's call was different.
Just different enough, perhaps, to make it more than perceptible — different enough to
suggest alarm.
A couple of weeks ago she called me to tell me how proud she was that she was able to
frustrate a scam artist. She was so happy that she managed to challenge him enough into
finally hanging up.
Today I saw the bill — she may not have fallen for his fake Publisher's Clearinghouse
pitch, but she managed to rack up a $140 bill for the call: She doesn't understand that
on mobile phones both parties pay to talk; who called whom is meaningless.
When I called her today, I told her about the bill, but I'm not certain she understood
what I was saying. I wasn't going to be crass and tell her that she'd blown our budget; she
may be 80, but she deserves to be treated with respect. I made my point in a way that
approached the boundary but not so subtly that anyone might miss it. She didn't appear to
pick it up. She didn't react in a way that suggested she understood me. Arguably, she
might have just been hoping the issue would fall to the riverbed of an otherwise flowing
conversation, so she might reflect on it later; but I'm uncertain.
I don't want to treat her like a child. Yes, she's 80, and she never worked to
understand the technologies that became so common over the past twenty or thirty years:
computers and cell phones and Wi-Fi and all remain unexplored. (I found myself explaining
yet again the difference between the mobile phone and its service, and what between them
is paid for and what is paid as a monthly bill.) Twenty years ago her eyes would just
glaze over as I'd try for the umpteenth time to explain what a virus scan was and how to
do it.
So my current countermeasure is to enable some protection from my service provider.
The good news there is I won't have to install anything on her phone — it's done through
the network. That's a relief.
I guess I'll continue to monitor our conversations in the coming weeks, but today
made me feel like I have to explain more and work harder to get points across. I'm hoping
she was just mystified by the technology.
During the call she noted that it's hard for her to get around to places outside of
her retirement home — noting that loading her walker into a car is inconvenient.
Additionally, she mentioned on the call that she knows she's living in a place
where people come to die.
I admit I wasn't prepared to respond.
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